Last night I was in the kitchen putting dinner away when I began to think about an article I had read in which this woman mentioned that her Italian uncle ate a raw clove of garlic everyday and always remained very healthy even to old age. Garlic is a super-great antibiotic, anticancer, and antifungal. And since I'm still harboring some yeast (boo) and we're out of garlic tablets, I suddenly felt so smart. "I should just chomp a clove of garlic everyday. I'll obliterate the yeast and boost my immune system. It's so obvious!" As I peeled the clove (a big one, naturally) I was already tabulating how much I would be saving by eating raw garlic vs. the bottled tablets. I cleverly bit into the clove like an apple and began to chew with confidence, arrogance.
And then--whoa. Wait, whoa, that burns. That really, wow. I knew it would sting but.. Ok, it's, well, ok it's managable. I'll just swallow really fast. Ok, another. Go. Ooph, ok chew. Ow. Chew! Gulp. And again. Bite. AAH! Chew chew chew! Get it down! Good grief! Get-it-DOWN! Yikes. Ok, water. Hurry, water. Swish! Spit. Swish! Spit! Swish again!. Ok. Ok. Ok.
And the burning stopped. My breathing evened out, my heart rate stabilized, and I suddenly realized... Pshaw, I could totally do that everyday! Are you kidding me? For the health benefits?! No problem. What a no-brainer!
And then about ten seconds later there was this burn. It wasn't in my mouth. It was...on the left side of my rib cage. Hmm. What is that? It's kind of uncomf-- Ok, it's really... What IS that?! It feels like it's in my...
Stomach. Oh.
Oh. OOoooh. I don't feel good. It's hurting, it's hurting, it's HURTING!!! What do I do? What do I do? There's... it's acid. It feels like acid is coming up... It's. It's going to explode. Oh gosh, I think I might throw up. Ok, I really might--
Water! Let me try water! Drink, drink, drink... Huff, huff. Drink, drink, drink, drink. Huff, huff, huff. It still feels...um, ok, it might be a little better. Ok, I think it's better. It went back down. Good.
Alright. I think it's, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's going to go away. I'm just gonna sit a little bit and wait for it to--hmm. It's still kind of... There's like a burning, cramping nausea and it's... Oh. This hurts. I don't like this. Ugh, I don't like this! This was NOT in the article. This is so... I feel so... ick. Oh man. It hurts.
And that went on for about 45 minutes people. I think the fiery morsels of hellth finally passed into my small intestine and then all at once, I was better. But I just wanted to tell you--warn you--that eating a raw clove of garlic, albeit for perfectly wise intentions, is sort of kind of a really dumb thing to do. Biter beware.
6 comments:
I can not stop laughing that has to be the funniest thing I have read in a long time... I AM GLAD YOU FEEL BETER!
You are hysterical! I never would have thought to eat raw garlic or that it would produce such a yucky reaction. Good for you on the yeast free diet! Sacrament must seem like such a treat now!
My Mother-in-law tried the garlic cure for a week while her husband was out of town.... If you eat too much garlic your body starts excreting excess garlic out... every.... single... skin pore. Of course she didn't notice but her husband did when he got home...
You crack me UP. You HAVE to come visit me- mauri said you emailed him... why are you all up in my husband dawg? I need to call you:)
Yum! I love garlic! I don't think I'll try eating it whole any time soon, though...thanks for the heads up on that~
You know... I heard that vanilla extract is GREAT for you and tastes JUST like it smells. :) Try it... and....uh...*holding back laughter*... let me know how that goes. :)
My sisters told me about vanilla and I fell for it. SICK!!!
Loved this!! Perfectly described. I was right there with you.
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