Meredith has been sick with some kind of virus or something and anyway, she had a 102 fever for two days straight. Then, Thursday, it rose to 105 (we're talking rectal here) and I had to take her to the emergency room. She was pricked, poked, gagged, and cathed, which of course made me cry, but her fever finally broke and she seems to be fine. Still not well, but no more fever.
Anyway, there was this horrible sense of helplessness and it made me realize how much more careful I should be to spend quality time with my children. I know they know I love them, but I'm not confident that within the past few months I've been showing them how important they are to me. I'm in some kind of funk, like a depression without being sad. Everything that is my job (i.e. cooking, cleaning, engaging with my children) is of no interest to me lately. I'm hoping I can snap out of it soon and get back to being a good mommy. As a mother, I don't think it's possible to "live each day like it's your last," because, honestly, if today was my last day I wouldn't be eating peanut butter for lunch and washing everybody's underwear. But I can definitely do better. People are born, they live, and they die, and time slips through your fingers one way or another, no matter how hard you try to take hold. But memories are made of different stuff, and they can last forever if you just bother making them. If you take the opportunity you are given when it's given. I've been casually slinging those opportunities over my shoulder, but I need to be clutching them desperately tight, with more gratitude and fervor, even until my knuckles turn white...
6 comments:
I completely agree with you. I am so glad to hear that Meredith is doing better. That is so scary!
you crack me up. I would be eating peanut butter and washing everyone's underwear- wait- no one wears underwear over here...really- truer words have never been spoken. Love you
(a) Glad Meredith is A-OK.
(b) Peanut butter is a laudable lunch.
(c) Makes me think of one of my father-in-law's favorite phrases. Whenever someone is headed out to do something (go on a trip, go out to eat, whatever), he always says: "Make a memory." He also says that when things aren't going your way. Car stuck in a ditch? Well, make a memory...
Poor baby! :( I'm glad she's fine.
I actually was thinking the same way recently. Sometimes you just get in a funk with whatever you do. For me. it's work. Eat, sleep, work, sleep, eat, eat, eat. can you tell I'm pregnant?
Like Stephen says, Sometimes it's all about recognizing what qualifies as a memory. At times they slip through the cracks.
Wow, I am so glad everything is okay... you are a great mom...we all let time get away from us sometimes...thanks for the reminder! I love your blog.
Kristen, I LOVE your Blog and your stories!! I hope that Meredeth is better now!! You know, Dennis and I are grateful that we can be "adopted Grandparents" for your Girls...We LOVE `em!! Give OUR girls a hug and tell `em we Love them!!! Love, Noma Johnson
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